Yes, there are some ugly Period Drama dresses, despite the fact that I seem to insist that 'every dress in this movie is AMAZING', and that, 'Gah I love her wardrobe.' I thought it would be fun to devote an entire post towards the bashing of those ugly dresses that either didn't flatter the character, looked completely comical rather than completely smashing, or just were downright ugly. Let's start - this ought to be fun. :-)
"What an ugly bonnet, Lydia. What possessed you to buy it?"
UGHHH, Cora's wardrobe isn't bad in general, but this dress is extremely unflattering, in my opinion. It highlights her figure in all the bad ways and the colours clash in all the bad ways as well. And then the gold? With the red? I don't like it. (Seriously, O'Brien is the better dressed one in this picture. When in doubt, stick to black - that's solid fashion advice.)
Suit yourself Anne, suit yourself, but I haven't the foggiest idea what you're so enraptured about. In the book, where you got an adorable double-puffed brown gloria dress, I can imagine it - fully imagine it. But in the Period Drama??? With the oversized collar, the Henry-the-Eighth-sleeves, and the unflattering milky blue - you look quite bad. (Please don't smash me over the head with th-- )
Ha. Ha. We alllll know what a fan I am of P&P05, right? (Sarcasm.) One of the reasons why I hate it is Caroline Bingley's Netherfield Ball "GOWN." I like to say that she forgot to put on her dress and that she's dancing around in her underwear because THAT IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. Look - spaghetti straps. She's got spaghetti straps. (I'm going. Bye. Bye guys.)
Yes, this is probably the prettiest dress in this post, but it isn't pretty. Edith's wardrobe in the later series is AMAZINGNESS (Edith looks stellar in 20's clothes), but some of her outfits - mainly this one - have disappointed me. It looks especially vile when she actually stands up in it and walks. It's like someone added some sickly orange old drapes over a clashing blue blouse. I'm not loving it.
Molly, I love you, I love you --- buuuut really? You in a watermelon-sleeved dress and slithery, slinky feathers in your hair? Stick to adorable attires, they flatter you so much more. Yes, you look elegant, but you also look a bit ridiculous. The sleeves. I mean - I know - it's the fashion. Buuuut - it's ugly.
I know these dresses are made to look the sisters ridiculous, but I couldn't not mention one of their absurd matching ensembles in this post! Their clothes are actually hilarious - always over-the-top, always matching, always interesting, always ridiculous. They do prove with their outfits that they're good at sewing though, which is the point, because they own a dress-shop.
HAHAHA. LET US ALL LAUGH. Seriously, Bright Star made me rather queasy because of the moany main character, the odd mushy romance and... YUCK THE COSTUMES. The girl (Abbie, I think?) is supposed to be a seamstress with a sense of creativity, but I think she's a seamstress with a sense of clownish-creation-ridiculous-laughing-stock-creativity. (Or whatever.) Basically, I think her entire wardrobe is dreadful. I mean... just LOOK AT THE COLLAR. (And look at this vile dress.) (AND THIS ONE.) (And this hat!) (I know, ewww.)
And last and probably also least - we have Scarlett's red 'dress.' With tule around the elbows, ostrich feathers tumbling dramatically from the shoulders and a Marylin Monroe-dress bodice. Yes. Haha. You'd find someone wearing this after the Civil War, wouldn't you? ;-P I LOVE most of Scarlett's dresses, even the ones that aren't historically accurate, but OH THIS ONE. It's dreadful! I do not like it, not one little bit. :-P
First, a random gif of my darling Amy Dorrit, then the post.
You all know. I adore Period Dramas. You don't need to read any of my posts to know this; you just need to use your eyeballs and look at my header and the pictures/tags in my sidebar. Period-Drama-filled. I am unashamed - I LOVE Period Dramas. (My favourites being Pride and Prejudice 1995, Emma 2009, Downton Abbey, Lark Rise to Candleford, and Testament of Youth, and Little Dorrit, and...)
But there are some that were a disappointment to me. They made me sleep, or weep, or groan in dismay. You might be a fan of these, so yes, I am prepared for fierce-and-angry-comments. Here they are, people; Period Dramas I Did Not Like. (I don't necessarily hate them. I just didn't like them.) (And they are in no particular order, although there are some in this list that annoy me a lot more than others.)
1. Persuasion 2007
Ew. When I watched this, I kind of CRINGED a lot. Everything was just a bit cinge-worthy to me, and I feel very un-Jane-Austen-like to say this in Front Of Everyone, but I didn't like it. I didn't like Anne, to start with - not because she was 'old' or 'quiet', but because she had greasy hair, a creepy smile, and she looked straight AT THE CAMERA and it ANNOYED ME SO MUCH. (Hush, Naomi. Calm down.)
Also... Captain Wentworth. (Pssst. I don't think he's that handsome.)
2. Under the Greenwood Tree
Under the Greenwood Tree was okay - I just about liked it. (It's probably my favourite on this list, too.) But it definitely doesn't rank high on my list of Period Dramas. Heh. Heh. The main thing that annoyed me was Dick Dewy. :-P First of all, he wasn't handsome. (IN MY OPINION.) Secondly, the way he fell in love with Fancy Day was just so ridiculous it makes me want to weep for humanity. Thirdly, the way he invites Fancy to the 'Par-y' by simply SAYING 'Par-y' in front of her face twice makes me criiiinge. (The pastor also annoyed me so so much. And so did the old man with the big sideburns. Just everyone.)
Basically, I didn't really mind watching this movie because we had a lot of fun watching it and laughing at about just about every character.
3. Our Mutual Friend
Okay, so adding this one to the list is KIIIND of unfair, because I only watched one episode and that's it. (Emma says that if I had watched it all, I would have ended up loving it. :-P)
Buuuut, I didn't, and therefore I did not like it at all. It was CREEPY (I mean... finding dead bodies in a lake??? Thank you for making nice tv-series, BBC.) and all the characters were CREEPY (like, yeah, keeping sculls in a house is normal???) and just... BLEH. I didn't like it. (I do want to give this another go, though. One day.)
4. Pride and Prejudice 2005
BLEHHH. This movie drives me cruuu-ayyy-zee. Click here for zee long, numerous reasons. MWUHAHA. (It's a very long post. And very hefty. Just warning.)
5. Les Miserables
I'm sorry to say that I didn't even finish this one. :-/ I have learnt to love the music and the characters now - and I have learnt to really love the stage musical - But the movie version?! NOPE. Nopeditynope. It was too miserable and gritty and spooky and sad and scary and poor-people-y.
(The music is nice though, and I would like to give this movie another go one day. But in the meanwhile I'll rewatch the dvd's of Emma's Les Mis performance whenever I'm in a Les Mis mood.)
6. The Mill on the Floss
When people ask me, "What is your least favourite Period Drama?" - I usually say, 'Ew, Mill on the Floss - it's awwwwful." And it is awful. :-P All the characters are either really mean or really melancholy, and although I liked the main character in some parts, she disappointed me hugely. Basically, she falls in love with a tolerably nice dude and then SUDDENLY OUT OF THE BLUE kisses someone else.
Like... UM. OKAY. (How did this story get published again?)
But that's not all, because after zee kiss and zee other-man-business, the main character's annoying brother (who I hate) comes along and they both DROWN. AND THAT'S IT. LIKE REALLY. UGHHHHHHHH. BLEHHH.
(Never watch this.)
Okay, ha. I hope you enjoyed this highly negative post. I'm sorry if I offended you, or bashed your very favourite movie once again - please don't take anything personally, and please tell me whether or not you agree with my controversial sentiments. And have a very good day. :-) Keep on smiling and don't watch bad movies. :-)
Now and then one must grumble and complain and let it allll go out. :-D I suppose you could call this my book-peeves-post. Some things a lot of people are bothered about - such as dog-earing books - I don't really mind. Also, many people, I've heard, don't like it when books about movie-covers, but I rather like it. Also, even love-triangles. I don't really hate THOSE. :-)
But there are other things which bother me.
A lot.
Of course, there are obvious things I don't like - I don't like books which have tons of swearing in it - I don't like books in which witchery or other stuff are encouraged - I don't like books which make romance un-holy and un-special. So I'm not going to rant about that today. Today it's the other stuff. :-/ Yeahhh.
1. When there's no book blurb on the back.
Only quotes. No blurb.
Sure, 'The New York Times' tells us it's 'thrilling and life-changing.' Sure, there's Markus Zusak with words of encouragement. But I STILL don't know what the story is about. This drives me flipping nuts. I need to know a BIT about the story, right? I need to have SOME kind of idea? Is it about zombies? Or princesses? What? Luckily, I have Goodreads which gives me a book blurb, but when I'm in a real book store, this peeve can pop up.
No thanks.
2. When the character pictured on the cover is different than s/he is (so clearly) described in the book.
For instance, I've read books where the character is blonde - this physical feature is so often mentioned in the book - and then bam, the front cover features a brunette. This is just weird. I hope they make a rule that all cover-designers MUST read the book. Or does the author not care that this is done? Must she not contact the cover-designer for approval?
Anyway. I find this very annoying.
3. When a book starts with a looooong description.
Don't get me wrong, I'm one of those literary spirits who actually enjoys reading description. (As long as it's not ten chapters in succession. I'm looking at you, Victor Hugo.) But when a book starts with a three-page elaborate detailed structure about a flower patch or a sunny atmosphere of a summer's day, I kind of get discouraged. That's why I quit reading Les Miserables. I had enough about the Bishop's bedroom. I didn't care a jot.
I like a story that starts good. Description is welcome, but not as the first thing on the doorstep. Thanks.
4. When a lot of the chapters end the same way.
Or, when authors try to use good page-turning-tricks at the end of chapters.
I haven't had this too much, but now and then I've encountered such books and it's starting to become a serious pet peeve. For instance, I just finished a book which was rather good, but - seriously, every chapter ended with two really short choppy sentences. It just became weird. I also don't like it when a lot of chapters end with several dots. Like this...
They think it's a good page-turn-trick. It's not.
5. When introverted heroines are clumsy.
Seriously? Why is this a thing? Introverted people aren't clumsy. I mean, SOME might be, but not fifty percent of them! Actually, it's not only introverted heroines that are clumsy, it's just heroines in general. Because when heroines are clumsy they accidentally bump into a handsome gentlemen. Or they fall in a puddle and a random potential future husband helps her up and gets reeeeaaal close to her. Or they drop their teacup on the toe of a prince. Love at first drop.
Blehhhhhhhhhh.
6. When you can't take off those stickers on the cover (!!!!!)
THIS ANNOYS ME SOOO MUCH. Seriously, where to start my epic mini-rant.
In the first place, why do they put stickers on the cover? WHY. Sure, the book may be promoted. Sure, it's a best-seller. But WHY do you have to mention that via un-managable-to-get-off stickers? Why do you ruin entire beautiful covers by flashy yellow circled stickers?!!!
And fine, if I were able to take them off easily, like one is able to easily slide off some kinds of washi-tape, I wouldn't complain. But half of the time YOU CAN'T GET THEM OFF. Or you can start to peel them off, and the half of it kind of half remains and my whole cover is spooooilt. This can make me frustrated to TEARS. Arghhhhhh. (Seriously, once I used a wet hanky to rub all the sticker bits off. I was that desperate to remove the wretched objects.)
7. When the cover features a scene which isn't even in the book.
This one is pretty similar to number (*goes up to have a look which number it is*) two, but I've got to mention it anyway.
For example, I once read a book (yes, I actually DID. I know. I know. Amazing, right.) which had a couple in an embrace, standing in front of a flying machine. Areoplane, call it what you want. And in the book yes, they do embrace, and yes there are scenes with planes in them - but they don't actually embrace in front of a plane. And suddenly, on the cover, they do.
It just annoys me. :-P
Okay. Those were seven of my book botherations. I have more, of course. :-) But I'll leave those others to other blog posts. I can't over-swamp you with complaints; that's a bit inconsiderate, you know. Anyway.
Ladies and Gentlemen, today I am here with a very controversial subject. (I will win it, by the way, the debate-to-come in the comments. Just warning ya.)
I have doubted and postponed the writing of this post, because I know I have some followers - who I wuv just as much as the others, of coursey-course (I am not an encourager of favouritism, you see) - who really are excruciatingly fond of this two-thousand-and-five Pride and Prejudice. So please, don't get upset by my little opinion of no real true consequence. I just want to do a rant. Because, I'm dreadfully sorry, I do. not. like. This version. At all.
Now. Allow me to put the record straight. I am NOT one of those people who believe you can only love one version. Nonsense. I can prove people-who-think-that-of-me wrong by pointing out the example of Sense and Sensibility. I love, love both 1995 and 2008 equally. There. See? It's just that that coincidentally is not the case with Pride and Prejudice. I've seriously TRIED to like the 05 version. I promise. I watched it TWICE, for Pete's sake. But I just DON'T GET IT.
But first, because I always encourage positivism (I'm afraid you won't see much in today's post), I will tell you what I DID like.
1. The music. Really. It's SCRUMPTIOUS. I have nothing whatsoever against the music.
2. Jane, if she wouldn't have had such a very MESSY hair-style 90% of the movie, was very good. I love Susannah Harker's Greek, kind, sweet look, but, after the messy-hair-complaint, I have no further complaint about Rosamund Pike's Jane. She was very sweet, very beautiful, so darling. I love both Janes dearly.
3. The scenery was very lovely in some scenes.
That's all I can think of for the time being. Let's go to the real part of the post, shall we? Are you sure you're ready? Okay. I suppose now is as good a time as any.
Let's start with Keira Knightley's Lizzy, shall we? Now, I'm not a Keira Knightley hater or anything, mark that. I just DON'T think she's Lizzy. She just... *splutters helplessly*... ISN'T. Thing is, when I see Keira Knightley, I see something like this, not something like this. I see a kind of fashion-model, a teenager of the 20th century with the side bangs and so-obviously-make-upped-face. She's beautiful, but she just doesn't LOOK Regency.
Also, SHE shouts instead of making discussions in an at-least-tolerably ladylike manner. Also she GOES OUT IN TOWN WITH HER HAIR DOWN. And in the fields in her night garb. Now, for those times, that was positively shocking. Sounds weird? Well, it was. It WAS positively shocking. Times have changed since Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice, dear readers. Society behaved differently.
And that's the PROBLEM with this P&P! It's so ridiculously... modern. This Elizabeth Bennet continually reminds me of those teenage girls walking along the shops. I can see her pixie cut under her always-messy wig throughout the movie, and I almost expect to see flip-flops when she lifts the hem of her dress. Most of the time she looks like she's just tumbled out of her bed - which, don't get me wrong, could look charming, but which was SO not HOW-IT-WAS-ISH for those times!
Pride and Prejudice 2005 is the least Period Drama-ish Period Drama ever. There I said it.
OH PLEASE. This looks like a Youtube Ad advertising Nivea cream or something like that. Or someone trying out special camera effects. This is just NOT Jane Austen.
Dear people, do these things come in to your mind when you think of Jane Austen? - Messy Hair? Night-gowns!!? Swings? Pigs? Elbows on the table? Whispering in Church? Shoulders slumping down? Georgian gowns? Well, if those things come to your mind, fine. :-) But personally I don't think of these things and That's also why this P&P bothers me.
It's like everyone is wearing their pyjamas the whole time. I DO beg your pardon, but I must tell you. Our family calls this P&P 'Pride and Pyjamas.' We do. My brothers came up with it, and I have to say I thought it exceedingly fitting and I call it by that myself.
Look. LISTEN TO THIS. Remember that scene where Mr Darcy comes and gives Lizzy the letter? Well, that's supposed to be the one where Mr Darcy gives it to Lizzy during a stroll in the woods, right? Nope, ma'am, NOT in this version. Here it's the most VULGAR thing ever - Mr Darcy just COMES IN the room (without knocking or 'exuse me's or the maid introducing him - he just opens the front door like that), in the late evening, while Lizzy is WEARING HER PYJAMAS (this, for that time, was really - oh, I wish you'd understand - really just not exceptable!) and hands her the letter. WHILE SHE'S WEARING HER PYJAMAS.
And remember that scene where Lady Catherine comes and gives Lizzy a good talk? Yeah, it's supposed to be the stroll in the garden, right? Nope, ma'am, it's in the middle of the night, while everyone is in their night-garb. Lady-Catherine! One of the MOST important, respected people! She goes to the Bennet's in the NIGHT, and faces a family with loose hair and night-gowns?!!! Oh, PLEASE. Like this is accurate. I really can't watch it.
Why is everything in the night? Why can't there be some scenes with TIDY rooms and NEAT hairstyles?
Look, research has been done and it has been factualized that the Bennet family would have been able to afford eleven servants. And listen to me, the Bennet sisters had no jobs like women have now, so it is only natural for them to have the time to do their hair beautifully everyday! Please! People complain sometimes that the Bennet sisters in 95' Pride and Prejudice look too 'perfect' and coiffed every day. But really, if you had eleven servants in the house and no job, wouldn't you have the time to do your hair every day and to look good and pretty every day? Especially if you went into town?
I am very upset.
SERIOUSLY.
It's the last scene that pains me the most. (The pain is real. Dare ye not laugh.)
So this is how it goes, right? Lizzy goes out (not in the daytime, of course, in disastrously messy hair, of course, and in her nightgown, of course, this is nothing new) into the fields (insert misty-ness and sunset-ness for romantic effects) and VIOLA, coincidence everyone, Mr Darcy appears magically, with his messy hair and his unbuttoned-things.
Myself, I can't take that. How did they know they were going to meet in the same place? Like, did they message each other on their phones? (Oh no, this is a Regency movie. Sorry. Forgot for a minute.) (*snort*)
Why did the movie makers make everything so... steamy? Mr Collins, he gets a dull unromantic room with a big roast of beef. Mr Darcy, he gets rain and sunsets. Not fair, right? In the book and in 95 P&P the proposals for both men are in similar places. No suddenly-they-dance-on-their-own-in-an-empty-ballroom. No almost-kisses after the first proposal, either. (Seriously?!! They ALMOST kissed after that angry conversation in the rain! Like, Lizzy EXPECTED one?!!)
And when they dance at the ball in Netherfield, they made it all steamy and slow and staring-in-each-others-eyes-y. That's not how Jane Austen wrote it. It was a curt and so not romantic. In this P&P even Lizzy (who's supposed to be rather monstrously disgusted by Mr Darcy, remember? She doesn't LIKE him, remember?) she GAZES bewitchingly in his eyes.
And talking about the world 'bewitched.' Where does THIS come from?!! This quote: 'You have bewitched me, body and soul?' This is just... I'm not even starting.
Oh look, Miss Bingley forgot to put on her dress.
And there are millions of other things. I'm so sorry. I won't cover them all, because I can make a huge unhealthy rant out of every little scene. I'm horrific, I know, and I feel very bad on your (that is, if you like P&P'05) on your part. (Seriously, pulease don't get offended.)
But because I've started, I must finish. Here are a few more mini rants:
1. Mr Darcy. He doesn't look like a man who owns 10000 a year. Nope, ma'am. Why did they make him look all sloppy? He looks like a farmer boy, a bit dressed up, maybe, but that's all. I really can't stand it when men have bad haircuts. He looks scruffy and bored and 'AH-I-don't-care' and 'Poooor-me'-ish the whole time. He doesn't like the slightest bit proud, either. This should be called 'Humble and Pyjamas', not 'Pride and Prejudice.'
2. (Also, Mr Bingley's hair. Not even starting. Mr Bingley was just a weirdo. A puppet of some sort, almost. His 'laugh' HAUNTS me in the night.)
3. Also, they made this P&P look like it was set several years earlier. Some people wear Regency things, but most of the people wear Georgian garb. Even my older brother, who normally NEVER notices anything fashion-wise (he's that kind of chap) commented that this P&P isn't Regency, it's Georgian. It's like they didn't know which one to choose, so they made it a mix. They allowed some girls to wear Regency things but gave Georgian garb to all the rest. Make Up Your Mind, please.
4. Mr Bennet looks like a pirate. Benjamin Whitrow's Mr Bennet is just SO superior.
5. Everyone has messy hairstyles practically all the time. I know I've talked about it already, but I had to mention it again, because that's one of the things I dislike the most. I think they might have forgotten that combs existed in the Regency (Georgian) era. Poor them. One must think the best, after all.
6. Mrs Bennet wasn't funny. My opinion solely then.
7. Same goes for Lydia. I didn't think she was funny. Of course, the girls here LOOKED more like teenagers (also because they acted and looked more like teenagers do now, in 2015) but I didn't get the taste of the brilliant characters.
8. Charlotte Lucas was good, but it made me wince to see her and Elizabeth run and giggle like Lydia and Kitty in the ball room. I doubt very strongly that twenty-seven-year-olds would have done loud giggling and RUNNING in the ballroom. (Oh yes, that's also a reason why I don't like this Lizzy. She behaves like Lydia and Kitty half of the time. And her giggles are weird. (Must have been influenced by Mr Bingley, I suppose.))
9. My one last big point I'm going to cover is this - the movie's, what's the word for that? - setting? - was weird. Sometimes it went REALLY slow, filming the scenery and the grounds at Pemberly, and Elizabeth Bennet's eyes (seriously, we KNOW you have eyes, Elizabeth Bennet) and the swing in the muddy front yard very slowly, veeeerrry slowly. And then SUDDENLY we go back to the story - whoooosh, whoosh, zam, slap. People talk very fast, everything tumbles over each other.
Pride and Prejudice is a super complex story. You can't jolly well squash it into two hours or less. Or maybe you could, but not if you spend quarter of the time filming eyes and romantic effects. I think so strongly, at least.
10. Also, the fact that you can see Keira Knightley's pixie cut in MANY of the scenes drives me a bit crazy.
I'm sorry.
I just don't like this movie.
*runs off* *edit* Go read this post here if you're a P&P05 lover. I have something to tell you.
In my last post, I went through my ten favourite Period Drama hairstyles. Today, I thought it would be nice to do my ten least favourite Period Drama hairstyles. Come on, we'll have a nice time bashing them along. It'll be fun. :-)
Anne Elliot
Sorry, people who like her hairstyle, but I don't like it. At all. It's all greasy and pulled back tightly and it has wet, clinging, wispy curls looking very fake indeed. There's this line between the curls in the front and the hair being pulled back. It's like the curls have been stuck on the forehead. Eck, no. This really is not becoming.
Jane Eyre
I haven't seen many Jane Eyre adaptions, but it only takes a search on Pintrest to find out that practically all the Jane Eyre's have rather unflattering hairstyles! Why does she never show her ears? And if she does, why with this gross flap just next to it? What is it?
Victoria
Although Victoria (in the Young Victoria)'s wardrobe is to die for, her hairstyles are not exactly my favourites! I especially loathe the one with the braid looping down, under her ears... ugh. Her hairstyles are rather similar to Jane Eyre's - it's Victorian, I suppose, but not my favourite. :-P
Elizabeth Bennet (not)
I don't care that it looks romantic and fluttery in the wind. I don't care that it's *supposed* to look *tomboyish*. I don't care. Lizzy Bennet hairstyle in P&P05 drives me c.r.a.z.y. Argh! All the hairstyles in P&P05 drive me crazy, actually. Mr Darcy looks like a beggar in his haddle-daddle cut (haddle-daddle ain't a word. I invented it.) Mr Bingley looks like a modern-day teenager with that red hair flopping up. Mr Bennet looks like a pirate with his long hair. The Bennet sisters look like they have never done their hair properly. And so does Lizzy. AND SHE SOMETIMES WEARS IT DOWN. IN PUBLIC. *Naomi bits lips in order not to burst into tears*
(Oh, and you can often see Keira Knightley's short hair under that wig. Look at the first picture - can you spot the back of her pixie cut peeping down from underneath? You never have that problem with Jennifer Ehle's wig.)
Fanny Dashwood
It's funny to see that both Fanny Dashwoods have the same sort of hairstyles, isn't it? Naturally, it's suits their personalities perfectly. Very ugly indeed! All those O's on their fore-heads... yik!
Lady Harriet Cumnor
Help me!!! What did Lady Harriet THINK when she came to the ball in that stupid short hairstyle?! It was pretty bad before she cut it, but... WHAT DID SHE THINK. I must stop. Next subject.
Mrs Gibson
A fan!?! A bunch of grapes!?! I mean, seriously? In your hair?!? Sorry Mrs Gibson, but enough is enough. You really took it too far. Fans and grapes do not belong on your head. They belong in your hand or in your mouth. Soon you'll be putting an elephant in your hair!
Sarah O'Brian
Dreadful. Dreadful. Ugh. O'Brian's hair suits her evil character perfectly- what a gross, unflattering hairstyle this is! Those silly curls hanging on her forehead in a bunch... this just about makes me shudder. (This, by the way, was a wig.)
Fanny Dorrit
This is the third Fanny in this post with a grotesque hairstyle including those ridiculous o's on her forehead! How atrocious is Fanny Dorrit's hairstyle? Need I say more than: UGH?!?!
Edith Crawley (Series one)
It is pretty understandable that hairstylist-people give the annoying people the weird, atrocious hairstyles. Although Edith in Series One is pretty whiny, I think she's rather likeable... all but her hairstyle! The hairstyle she had now, the pretty wavy bob, is much better- the short, baby-ish one in Series one is not my favourite... yup, I don't like hairstyles covering the ears. :-)
I love the Elizabeth Gaskell movies. After the Jane Austen ones (which decidedly comes first), they are probably my favourites. My favourite of the three is definitely Wives and Daughters, and Cranford comes close next. And... the one which is left- North and South that is- well, I like it, honest I do, but it has never been 'wow' to me.It just isn't my favourite movie. It isn't even on my top-ten list. Or ten-top, whatever you like to call it.
In this post I'll tell you the reason why North and South isn't my favourite. You could also call it a review. (Yes, okay- you read this in the title.) Warning, there are spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen this and don't want to know what's going to happen, it would be advisable not to read on. And, another warning, there are strong opinionated opinions ahead, so be prepared. You know me, don't you. But of course, the comment box is happy to receive your opinions, even if they are different than mine.
By saying 'black' I mean 'sad', 'weary' and 'not-very-joyful'. It is true- admit it. This is a very forlorn and melancholy film. To start with, there are seven deaths. Not two, like in Wives and Daughters (which was enough)- not four, like in Cranford (which was more than enough), but SEVEN.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
1. Bessie Higgins
2. Boucher
3. Boucher's wife
4. The guy who Frank Churchill Frederick Hale pushed down the stairs
5. Mrs Hale
6. Mr Hale (at this point I am going crazy)
7. Mr.. what's-his-name... Margaret's godfather
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So, needless to say, there are a vast amount of crying and wearing black and gloomy mourning scenes. And gruesome screenshots of dead people. (Boucher's death scene in particular is very not-Naomi-approved and the guy who got pushed down the stairs death scene as well).
Nine out of ten scenes have tears, black veils, suffering, crying babies, workers in rags or unhappy faces in them. I don't like any of the things I have just mentioned. Well, I don't really mind the black veil part- because black veils are rather elegant and they hide the tears and the unhappy face- but nevertheless, I am not particularly fond of black veils either. Ahem- I'm not talking about North and South. Sorry.
Poor Margaret. Poor, poor girl. First she moves to a place rightly named after hell- Hellston. She sees a mighty handsome man with a mighty scary scowl beating a thin worker in rags.
She makes friends with Bessie- sees how her neighbours starve. She sees her good friend die, witnesses Boucher's gruesome death scene.
On top of all the unhappy things going in in that world, the Hale-family-atmosphere is melancholy as well. You heard that right.
Her mother and father argue. Her mother dies. Her brother comes and puts her in a heart-beating situation and forces her to choose between her brother's death or her breaking one of God's ten commandments. She chooses to break 'Thou shalt not lie' (I can't exactly say I blame her, of course) which again causes problems and makes her reputation with Thornton go in the negative direction. Because Thornton knows she lies.
Then, on top of that unhappy business- on top of all the deaths already past- her father dies. At this point, I think it's enough. At this point I'm literally dancing because of the this-goes-to-far-ness. Not dancing really- rather wriggling on the sofa and moaning softly, trying to restrain my complaints because people want to watch, but not managing to do so very successfully.
And then... guess what? Yep, you're right, her godfather (I still can't remember his name) says he's going to die. He probably knew because Margaret, he knew, would inherit his fortune and he also knew Elizabeth Gaskell would want to kill him off so that Margaret would have all the wealth in the end. (More about that famous ending later)
So... that's my main reason. This movie is like a funeral parade. One after the other. It's ridiculous.
In Anne of Green Gables, Diana Barry kills off all her characters in her stories because she doesn't know what to do with them. Perhaps Elizabeth Gaskell had the same problem.
Anne on how her friends write:
"It's extremely interesting," Anne told Marilla. "All the girls do pretty well. Ruby Gillis is rather sentimental. She puts too much lovemaking into her stories and you know too much is worse than too little. Jane never puts any because she says it makes her feel so silly when she had to read it out loud. Jane's stories are extremely sensible. Then Diana puts too many murders into hers. She says most of the time she doesn't know what to do with the people so she kills them off to get rid of them. I mostly always have to tell them what to write about, but that isn't hard for I've millions of ideas."
Daniela Denby-Ashe didn't cry half as much as Margaret would have done. She always stared vacantly ahead. (Look back, look back.) She isn't exactly my sort of heroine. She's too cold, isn't funny enough, and doesn't smile enough. I suppose she doesn't because she's been placed in such a stikin' sad story, so it isn't her fault she doesn't smile.
But I thought she was a nice heroine. She was kind, friendly and cared for her neighbours. Not dazzlingly beautiful, but with very pretty features- a normal heroine, to whom many people could relate to. Of course, we would cry more than she did.
I know he's acted by Richard Army-tart, or whatever his name is. I know he has good ruddy looks, those eagle-ish eyes which girls squeal over and that firm set jaw which is popular with heroes in books. I know he was good and amazing and went ALL the way to Milton to pick Margaret a flower. I know he helped Margaret even though he knew she had lied. I know he loved quietly.
Quietly? Did I say quietly?
No. Mr Thornton says what he wants. He raises his voice unashamedly. That's not bad you know, but I think he gets too rough and too loud sometimes. Especially in the beginning he's far to harsh against his workers. Also- the smile-issue. He, like Margaret, hardly ever smiles.
He scowls too much- and even at the end he's a tad rude. Do you know what he said to... MR BELL! That's his name!! He said something like 'Go away and mind your own business.' And that was right at the ending. People compare Mr Thornton with Mr Darcy, but Mr Darcy is nicer than Mr Thornton. He's a little rude in the beginning, yes- but at least he doesn't scowl. He doesn't smile either, he just looks- like Margaret, as a matter of fact. Mr Thornton really scowls. And Mr Darcy improves rapidly- Thornton still says silly things at the end.
Anyway. He was a nice hero- but seriously, he's not at all my ideal. He was tolerable, but just not for me.
Let me quickly overview some of the other characters.
I really loved Bessie. She had some funny lines, and a sense of humour, which I love to see in movies. She was so sweet, and I really don't understand why she had to die. She doesn't have anything to do with the plot, so I don't see why Elizabeth Gaskell had to kill her off. I also love her younger sister, Mary- although she plays a very minor role, she's one of my favourite characters.
Mr Higgins aka Mr Bates, was a very good man, but- like Mr Bates- he was too bloodthirsty and always seeking revenge. But I can't help but like him. My favourite bit in the entire movie was when he and Thornton become friends. Oh me, I just love that bit.
Boucher was... well, I pitied him SO much. He was just such a poor, poor man.
Hannah Thornton was such an annoying character. Firstly, her low voice drived me crazy. Secondly, she was selfish and grumpy. I did like it how she loved her son, but really- he was the only
person she loved, together with herself. I didn't like her.
Fanny Thornton, however, is entirely a different subject. I thought she was hilarity itself... I just loved all the scenes with her. She bought some laughter and silly-ness in the movie, and I liked that. I love this quote of hers: I see you don't have a piano. I don't know how I could live without a piano.
Mrs Hale (who also acted Mrs Rose in Cranford) complained too much. Also- the not-smiling-issue comes back here. She hardly ever smiled. I don't dislike her, but I must say I wouldn't like to have her for a mother.
In the beginning I didn't care much for Mr Hale, but as the movie went on I thought he was extremely kind. Yes, I like him a lot. When he died... ARGH.
And finally, I have to bring you sad tidings (I'm sure you're used to that if you've seen North and South, heehee) by saying that I did not enjoy the ending. I've seen it twice, and both times I squirmed instead of swooned. Both times all my siblings watching with me yelled and laughed at the exaggerated kiss. Both times we all agreed it was 'over-the-top'.
Watch it here and then read my humble comments:
(sorry it's without any talking- it's just the soundtrack and the video clip. They don't talk much anyway, so you don't miss much.)
So... first he goes allll the way to the cottage to pick one yellow flower to show Margaret. He picks it up and stares at it as if he can see Margaret's reflection in it. I personally think it's a trifle weird, but I still thought it was sweet, that. And it works, Margaret gets all warmed up and starts to realise that Thornton is the guy for her. They all get worked up because of one little flower- amazing, that.
Firstly, WHY IS THORNTONS SHIRT OPEN?!? It annoys me so much that Mr Thornton's shirt isn't buttoned up! Talk about historical accuracies people! A man of his status would never walk into public like that.
And then that kiss... I think it's just over the top.
Then they both go in the train. He kisses her again and again, Margaret gives a tiny hint of a smile as she stares vacantly out of the train window and... SNAP. BLACK. *Passionate violins start to burst forth*
The film is over.
I want a wedding. I want a proposal. And I didn't get either. I just got a great, big, mushy kiss in which the hero has his shirt buttons open and in which the heroine doesn't smile. Yes, I suppose that's popular nowadays, but I want to know. Are they engaged and I want to see them married. And I don't. And that's why I'm not satisfied with the ending.
I can imagine this is their wedding. But it's hard because neither of them are smiling. SIGH.
But! I DO like this move a great deal! I never said I didn't! It has some great scenes, great issues, great themes, great scenery, great characters, great quotes and great costumes in it. It's a great Period Drama, and I do like it a great deal. I'm getting tired of the word 'great' aren't you?
I would gladly watch this film again. I enjoyed and I do recommend it for Period Drama lovers. It's not my favourite- there are many better P D's- but I do like it.
