a poem

Do you know

How to write

Poetry

Just write whatever

Pops into your head

And like butterflies

On bramble hedges in spring sunsets

Use metaphors for false illusion of cleverness

And click

Enter

So that you

Have a lot of lines

Which makes some kind of

Surprising

Rhythm

Like waves bobbing on an ocean

Like extreopotism

See I just used water imagery

And a word I don’t know what it means

But it’s all good

Because

It’s a poem

Wow that was deep

That blank line really showed that

10 types of instagram captions

The title speaks all. This is going to be fun to write. ;-)

1. The hashtagger

thehashtagger #sunset #nofilter #soblessed #okmaybetherewasasmallfilter #buthardlyany #itwaswayprettierinreallifeanyway #sunsetpics #sunsetsofinstagram #sunsetsofinsta #godscreation #art #artisinotdead #godsnotdead #lit #dope #beautiful #stunning #beautifulsunset #imaluckygirl

STOP IT.

2. The long caption-er

thelongcaptioner Ok, so guys these past few hours have been a rollercoaster of emotions. I don't even know where to start, lol, but let me just say that man, it's been worth it. Going to the beach with my one-year-old for the first time was precious and I'll never forget it. The memory is not only in a polaroid snap and instagram pictures, but it's also engraved in my brain. My sweet baby girl saw the ocean with her own eyes as blue as the ocean and my heart ached out of love for her and for the beautiful vast waters. Our God is so so amazing; Ha makes the blue of little baby eyes and the blue of powerful oceans. Coming home from this trip with weary bones and sand-clad skin I was musing about all this and this poem came to mind that my mama used to read to me when I was a little girl. My eyes filled with tears as the words came back to my brain, one by one... {continued in the comments}

(Don't feel like you have to read all that, haha.) I like a bit of meat on a caption but I'll be the first to admit that some people go wayyyy too long EVERY TIME they post (like, how much time do these Mum instagrammers have, to write a novel on their toddlers latest antics every day when they post a picture?!?!) and that some long instagram captions are just so. dead. boring. Like, at this point honey, I don't care about you enough to go to the comment section to read the rest of your caption. Start a blog. Or a diary.

3. The emoji-er

theemojier ⛅✨😍

An emoji speaks a thousand words, people. (Actually, it doesn't. They're cute, but they're not informative and imagination-rousing to the soul.)

4. The no caption

Boring? Lack of creativity? Lazy? All of the above. Whoever writes the first comment gets to be the caption-writer for the picture. (A slight improvement of this one is the caption: "Caption this." :-P)

5. The witty one

thewittyone Ok, so I have literally no reason to post this but you have literally no reason to read this or waste time online so STOP JUDGING ME K. #hatersgonnahate

The one that tries really hard to be funny. (I'm probably this one, if I'm being honest. :-P) Often these people's captions include: a) puns (often really bad ones) b) rants (often really unnecessary ones) c) using wacky hashtags (like #wowlolsofunnyjkthisjokesucks) and d) saying somethign very snobbish like posting a selfie and captioning it with something like 'what a view.' Because that's hilarious, apparently.

6. The deep, short caption-er

thedeepshortcaptioner 💚 D O N ' T  F O R G E T  T O  B R E A T H E 🌒

This one gets my goat. But it's very popular in the World of Insta, I have noticed. Especially girls do this a lot, with pictures of holidays and poses and fields. Other examples of such captions are: "Shoot for the stars 🌠" "But darling, what if you fly?" "Fields of gold" "Golden hour of love" ... honestly, none of them make sense. And they're all from pinterest, probably.

7. The quote caption

thequotecaption "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." - Oprah

Few people read these captions.

8. The Bible verse caption

theBibleversecaption "Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him." (Prov. 30:5)

... in a similar vein, this is a popular caption choice with Christian instagrammers who don't feel inspired or led to write a long sermon as a caption. :-P A Proverbs or Romans or Corinthians verse are popular choices. Or John 3:16.

9. The sponsored caption

thesponsoredcaption I love my new boots from @somebootshopnoonecaresabout - they are honestly so comfy and pretty. Use promo code "idontcare' to get 50% off your first purchase! Totally recommended!

This is for popular instagrammers with tons of followers. Kind of annoying though, these captions. I mean, I'm glad they have a job writing these captions and I'd probably do it too if I were them... but I rate these captions 1/10 bc they're boring. Sorry.

10. The 'I posted something' caption

theipostedsomethingcaption New video up on the youtube channel! Link in bio! Check it out!

No explanation needed.

Which one are you? Which one is your favourite/least favourite? Any I forgot?

PS: KATE AND WILLIAM ARE HAVING BABY NO.3!!!! 

This blog post is gonna be fun.

I've been getting a LOT of spam comments recently. UGH. Here's me having fun and responding to them. (Respond as in Roast.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This blog was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Thanks a lot!

This comment was... how do I say it? ANNOYING!!! Thanks a lot, spam comment.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading? I'm trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it's the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Hmmm is anyone else having problems with spam comments? I'm trying to determine things. (The funny thing is that this spam comment was on the P&P05 blog post. As if people are going to start a comment chain on images loading while there's lengthy, interesting discussions on which Pride and Prejudice version is ultimately superior. :-)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, superb blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is great, as well as the content!

Aw thanks, spam comment. I have been blogging for three years. Blogging is quite easy; just write random trash and publish it. Tada. But thanks. (Again, this comment was on the P&P05 post. Meaning spam comments have opinions on P&P?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Εste site realmente tem todos a informações Eu precisаva disto de аssunto e não sabia a quem peгguntar.

Apparently I speak Spanish. Or whatever that was. (I just Google Translate-d it, and it was Portuguese and it said that he just found a site which had all the information he needed answered all his questions. This guy probably wasn't very well informed on Jane Austen and Downton Abbey. Glad to be of help, Portuguese person. Although if my blog was that useful it implies you speak English in which case why on earth did you decide the wisest thing to do would be to comment in Portuguese?) (Huh?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My spouse and i got quite thankful that Chris managed to round up his inquiry with the precious recommendations hee grabbed through your web site. It's not at all simplistic too just possibly be handing out helpful tips that many men and women may have been trying to sell. We acknowledge we need the website owner to thasnk foor that. Most of the explanations you have made, the easy site navigation, the friendships youu caan help to foster - it's all impressive, annd it's realy assisting our son in addition to us know that the situation is thrilling, and that's especially mandatory. Thanks for all the pieces!

SHUT UP. LIKE WOW. JUST GO. The door is over there. (I'm assisting your son? I give helpful tips that many men and women may have been trying to sell? Chris rounded up his inquiry with the precious recommendations hee (HEE?!) (He.) grabbed through my web site? Your spouse and you got quite thankful? LEAVE THE ROOM. You are such a ungenuine little liar.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mᥙito bоm informaçãο . Sorte mｅ Εu corri em tоdа seu site рor acaso (stumbleupon). Εu tenho livro marcado isso paгa mais tarde!

The Porgtueese person comments again I see. This time saying (thanks google translate) that he has 'bookmarked my blog for later'. Glad to hear it, son, glad to hear it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Olá ! Istօ post couⅼdn ' t sеr escrito muіto melhor! Olhando isto artigo mе lembra do meu companheiro ɗe quarto anterior! Eⅼe sempre manteve falando іsto. Eu vou enviar еste artigo com ele. Razoavelmente certo ia tеm ᥙm mᥙito bom ler. Agradeçⲟ-lhe ρoг partilha!

OKAY now I'm sick of you. LEAVE.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's up i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this article i thought i could also create comment due to this brilliant article.

Hi kavin. It's your first time commenting anywhere? Ha. Ha. Ha. Good try. I don't believe you. (And no, you don't create comments. You write comments.) (And it's not an article. It's a blog post.) (You thought wrongly, kavin.) (Did you misspell your own name? I would not be surprised.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, all the time i used to check website posts here in the early hours in the morning, as i like to gain knowledge of more and more.

Best of luck gaining knowledge. (Why early hours in the morning? That does not make me go like, 'ohh that's a nicer spam comment than the rest of them.')

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every weekend i used to go to see this web site, as i wish for enjoyment, since this this site conations actually nice funny stuff too. paginas con descuentos http://forum.czaswojny.interia.pl/index.php?page=User&userID=27849 http://sale-ghrp-6.blogspot.com/ http://theultimateherpesprotocol14.blogspot.com/ https://decoracion.trendencias.com/usuario/soniacastellanos

No, I am not clicking that URL. And no, you do not visit this web site every weekend. Glad the feelings are mutual. Liar.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't refrain from commenting. Perfectly written! paginas descuentos http://www.vogue.com.au/forums/member.php?u=537779 http://iherb-discount-code-fdm511.blogspot.com/ http://forum.kryptronic.com/profile.php?id=119500 http://thegoodcompany.bigcartel.com 

Again, I am not clicking that URL. (I couldn't refrain from telling you that.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative. I'm gonna watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers! pagina ofertas http://100bellezas.blogspot.com/ http://www.dailymotion.com/codigodescuento http://captainamericalesoldatdelhiver.blogspot.com/ http://100bellezas.blogspot.com/ 

NO I AM NOT CLICKING THE URL. You're gonna watch out for brussels?! What on earth do you mean with that? (I will be grateful if you don't continue these comments in the future. Thx.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

china jerseys cheap - China cheap china wholesale jerseys, NHL, MLB, NCAA, and other 92 Dontari Poe Jersey from best jerseys suppliers and wholesalers, free shipping service and authentic quality sports jerseys.

I don't care about cheap china jerseys. That is literally the last thing I would want right now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is important and everything. But just imagine if you added some great visuals or videos to give your posts more, "pop"! Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this site could definitely be one of the greatest in its field. Good blog! 

No. I have not ever considered that. And my posts do have images. Are you blind? (Or do the images not load for you either? Are you the same dude as the the-images-aren't-loading-guy?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if it's just me or if everyone else experiencing issues with your blog. It looks like some of the text in your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This might be a problem with my internet browser because I've had this happen previously. Thank you 

It's just you and no, no-one will comment and let you know. Lol.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your further write ups thank you once again.

You're cute.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely think this website needs a great deal more attention. I'll probably be back again to read more, thanks for the advice!

This comment was on a 'If Period Drama Characters had internet Bios' post. 'Thanks for the advice'?!? What advice? (I absolutely think this website needs less attention. From spammers like yourself.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks , I have just been looking for information about this topic for a long time and yours is the greatest I've came upon so far. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure concerning the supply?

The conclusion is that spam comments are annoying. I am sure concerning the supply. (And you commented on a very random post so what do you mean with 'this topic'; that post literally had 10 'topics.')

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and everything. However think of if you added some great pictures or video clips to give your posts more, "pop"! Your content is excellent but with images and video clips, this blog could definitely be one of the greatest in its field. Fantastic blog! 

Oh, it's you again. GO. AWAY. (You just copy and paste this comment everywhere, don't you.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been the one thing that worked. I’ve attempted numerous diet programs and so one really worked . its simple and easy the thing is immediate results. Being middle age and attempting to oss 

The last thing I write about on here is diet programs. Just go.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heya i'm for the primary time here. I found this board and I find It really helpful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to present something back and aid others like you helped me.

Awww, you are a darling, aren't you? I'm sure that was so geniune.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Dear, are you actually visiting this web site regularly, if so afterward you will definitely take pleasant experience.

You just asked the author of a blog whether she visits her blog regularly because it would make a 'pleasant experience.' I know. The blog is mine. :-P (No offence, dear sir comment, but clever you are not.) (And no, saying 'dear' does not make me go like, 'aww that's so sweet.')

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different page and thought I should check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to checking out your web page repeatedly.

You and your spouse again. You are so creepy. Leave plz.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(That was fun.)

If Period Drama Characters had Internet Bios #6

NORTHANGER ABBEY

@catherine.moorland. I'm a girl with a big future; stop being online and read books or go dance!
@Mr_and_Mrs_Moorland proud of all our children; some of them are almost goodlooking!
@Henry_Tilney I smirk to relieve any tension, it always works.
@Eleanor_Tilney Reading is a beautiful escape to a world that can be scary and unjust.
@GeneralTilney Northanger Abbey is my home and my standard. My home, my rules!
@LOL_ISABELLA yooooo lol i'm here for the fun. i love creepy movies and books and fashion 👗sub4sub
@JOHN_Thorpe220 Love a good party and hott girls. Follow me and I'll follow u back. YOLO.
@james.moorland. I love @LOL_ISABELLA a lot!
@Frederick_Tilney The only Tilney sibling that knows how to have fun. #savage
@MrAllen i enjoy being a good uncle with money to spare.
@Mrs_Allen UNDERSTANDING MUSLIN IS A GOOD QUALITY TO POSSESS.

SAVING MR BANKS

@Mrs_Travers If you call me Pam or ruin my books with cartoon penguins, I will block you.
@Call_Me_Walt! The official account of Walt Disney. There is magic in everything if you are a child at heart. #ohyeah
@TraversGoff I love pears. I love my girls. I love life! #yolo #swishswishswish 🍺
@MargaretGoff pretty tired mom of three daughters. need help.
@ginty Daddy helped me get this account! We're an aussie family going to a castle!
@Ralphthecardriver Hi, I'm @Mrs_Travers' official taxi driver. I love sunshine and my daughter Jane.
@Don_DaGradi I'm a filmmaker. I hope. (How do you make a movie without the colour red?!)
@Robert_Sherman I have the cane, and was the one that made up the word constable.
@Richard_Sherman 🎹 music is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 🎹
@The_Sherman_Brothers official account of two music-loving brothers
@Dolly_disneystaff 💕🍰👩 i love hairspray and jelly treats and making ppl happy!

WIVES AND DAUGHTERS

@Molly_gibson I love poetry, nature books, wasp nests, interesting letters, and helping people.
@Roger_Hamely In Africa with bugs and mosquitoes, but left my heart in England.
@thatgirl_Cynthia i don't care. i just want to be free ok, is that too much to ask? its just how i am ok
@Mrs_GIBSON 🌸Engagements are engagements! 🌼 Grapes are for hairs! 💟Daughters are for heirs! #so 🍇
@Doctorgibson I love goosies. And cheese. DM me privately if you know more info about Osborne's illness
@OsborneHamely Poet. Plz buy my poems. #tbt to the time when I was in Mons.
@SQUIREHAMELY I didn't say Roger is better, but one of my sons is, and it's not Osborne. #ihavetwosons
@Mrs_hamely I love my sons and poetry. I dislike disappointments.
@thatboy_Preston hey girl, we can meet up in woods. You know who you are. #taken #forcinglove
@Aimee_G mon amour, il revient toujours, ma cher Osborne.
@lady_harriet_cumnor I have an impeccable taste in friends, hairstyles, and matchmaking. FYI.
@Lady_CUMNOR Qwite fwankly I do not know what all the tewwible fuss is about instagwam.
@Lord_Cumnor bad at maths but still have a jolly time
@iampheobe oooohhh this is exciting isnt it being online lol! I do love being able to follow people
@I_am_Sally The more mature sister. A little bird tells me interesting things. I'll leave it at that.
@BIGFATGOSSIPLADY You know who I am. I have some RIVITING NEWS ABOUT MOL-you-know-who!
@GOSSIPMAN I saw two ppl passing notes in woods. DM me and I'll give more info. 😉
@RedheadCoxe I love molly cynthia so much plz plz plz make my dream come true oh plz

Debunking 'Deep Inspirational Quotes'

(Dr Suess' quotes are good. Even I will admit.)

Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon? That makes no sense whatsoever.

Hello readers. I hope your day is fine and dandy. If it is and you feel ready for it to be less dandy read a WW1 romance novel and your heart may be crushed for the following week. (Rilla of Ingleside by LMM or Remembrance by Theresa Breslin are two I would advise.)

Today I'm going to look up "deep inspirational quotes" - (you know, those phrases that teenage girls put in their instagram caption to appear very philosophical and inspirational when they really just took it off pinterest and added an emoji like 💞or ✨ or ❣ in an attempt to appear creative) - on Google images and I'm going to make them ridiculous. (I know. It's really cruel of me. But I rather enjoy it. It is the Adler Davidson in me.)

Do not take this post too seriously. It is supposed to be all in good fun. (Can I just say how nice you all are? You are all good sports. Hate comments are not a thing here.) (I don't write posts about Narnia anymore.)

"I stopped looking for the light. Decided to become it instead."

Okay, this one is stupid. What if you're looking for a slice of pizza? Is the advice you give me become a pizza?! Seriously. Dude. No. If you want a good life, you can't just magically BECOME A GOOD LIFE. You have to go and look for it. You have to go and earn money or go and make continued attempts to be a good and kind person. That's called looking and searching.

Replace this quote with: "Seek and you shall find. (Matthew 7:6)"

"Old ways won't open new doors."

My way of opening doors is reaching the door handle and pushing it down while simultaneously pulling it open. It's the old way and it always works. (Of course, some new doors just slide open.)

"Ahh but it's a metaph" - oh of course of course. But still. Sometimes old ways are good. What if you've always been a punctual person? That's good. That may well give you new opportunities. DON'T CHANGE THAT OLD WAY.

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting."

Plagiarising a turn of phrase from Matthew 5, I see. Only, it's not plagiarism because this one is silly. That is, I am genuinely confused. What is so good about giving without remembering and taking without forgetting? Remembering what? Forgetting what? The object? I remember giving my sister a present yesterday for her birthday. That does not mean I am all fluffy and prideful about it. I simply remember it. Apparently I am cursed.

"Only dead fish go with the flow."

It's okay. I'm not dead. And I'm not a fish. And even if I was, going with the flow isn't always a bad thing.

(Also, only black pictures and with white words get into google images.) (Hypocrite.)

"It's not about getting a chance, it's about taking a chance."

But dude, how can you TAKE it when you don't GET it? Like, right now, I don't have a chance to eat pizza, so I can't take pizza. There is no pizza. However, I do get a chance tonight because we're going to order some. So dere. It's all about getting a chance, bro.

(Looking forward to the pizza, btw. The pizza I will GET and then TAKE.) (Or whatever.) (Ugh.)

"To heal a wound you need to stop touching it."

Actually, you need to disinfect it, bandage it, press it, and do all sorts of things for a wound to heal properly.

(I'm not even a physician and I know that.)

"If you can't stop thinking about it, don't stop working for it."

We're back with the black-background-white-wording, I see. It's so inspirational to see people be different.

Okay so this quote is a good piece of advice in some situations but in many situations it is not. What if my baby sister wants to be the first toddler to visit the moon? What if that's all she thinks about? All her work won't change a thing. (No offence, sis.)

"I think life is about falling in love with the right person, shopping, eating your favorite decadent desserts and traveling a lot."

According to this quote millions of people do not have a life. 

I think life is a whole lot deeper than that, Palermo. I wish you knew about it. (Man these quotes are missing out on Jesus. It's honestly quite sad.) (Life is about shopping?! No.) (Basically this quote is saying life is about money and also a hot bae for the instagram pics.)

"Let your smile change the world but don't let the world change your smile."

OHH CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER A REVERSE PHRASING QUOTE THAT'S SO CLEVER. (These capital letters you just read were sarcastically inclined, by the way.)

Also, I doubt a smile could change the world. Smiles merely bare teeth and sometimes they don't even do that. Actions are more likely to produce some kind of change. So do something. (And honestly, if the world doesn't change your smile sometimes, I'm worried for you. The world has some horrid things going on. Stop smiling for a second and pray.)

"Maybe life isn't about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it's about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it."

Maybe.

 Avoiding bruises still sounds like a solid thing to do though.

"One day or day one. You decide."

One day. I decided.

(Okay, I actually kind of like this one. Got to say.)

"Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile."

Mark Twain hated Pride and Prejudice, so I knew I couldn't trust him. This is stupid life advice. BREAK THE RULES? You want me to go and rob a bank, dude? You want me to go and do drugs because it'll make me laugh uncontrollably? NO.

(Sometimes you have to regret things that you laughed at before. Be mature.) (And P&P is a good book. So shut up.)

"Don't forget to live before you die."

I won't, but thank you for the reminder that I should do something that is in every way impossible not to do.

This is all for now. I love doing this. :-P (What do you think of these quotes? Would you like me to debunk more?) (ALSO DON'T FORGET TO LIVE.)

Responding to Search Keywords

(Pictures: randomly found online, as usual.)

(Inspired by the everlastingly creative and energetic Paper Fury (aka Cait) who does hilarious posts on this.)

Blogging is cool; I love blogging. As many bloggers have admitted without shame before; there are times when I greatly enjoy looking at the stats; the number of pageviews (227057) (what the bonanzas I know), the followers (150. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY. Stoppit and thank you), and, best of all, the Search Keywords people submit before stumbling upon my blog. Unfortunately, I cannot see many (only the frequent/ recent ones - I wish I could see alll of them, because it's quite interesting. And if it's not interesting, it's amusing.) but there are some I can see in my 'stats' section and well, here are my responses to them. For fun. For waste of time. For amusement, and all that.

(And also because my sister says I have to post something funny so try to be witty I shall. I do things for my dear sisters, you see; it is my duty as a moral human being.) (Yes yes, I'll shut up. Thanks for asking.)

"A blogger is a person who"

Why would you search that, my dear. I mean, if you search something like that, you might as well, simply finish the bally sentence. Here, let me help you. A blogger is a person who owns a blog. Or writes blog posts. Or a blogger is a person who pretends to make their life look really fancy and cool online when in reality they're writing on their laptop in their dark corner of their bedroom. (Me. :-P)

Or maybe you want a post on what kind of person a blogger is. In that case, I get that you can't finish your search sentence. However, not trying to be critical here or anything like that, but maybe a better way to phrase (gosh, I spelt it fraze first - that is really really embarrassing, don't tell anyone I did that) your search keywords is, "What kind of person is a blogger?" Rather than 'A blogger is a person who'. Just a suggestion.

Also, it's a stupid question. No offence. Obviously bloggers are all people who decided, 'hey let's make a blog.' But that's where their similarities end. We have boring bloggers and interesting bloggers and fashion bloggers and photography bloggers and really wacky ones and really inspirational ones. Don't put us into one label, my dear. Rude.

"wondermland creek"

Not quiiiite. That m between the r and the l? Shouldn't be there. Try better next time.

"z lark rise do candleford"

I bet you're the same one as the 'wondermland creek' one. You should stop googling stuff on your phone, my dear; or either you should simply get some spelling lessons. (I'm sure you can find some online.) 

It's Lark Rise TO Candleford, not do. Lark risers don't do candleford. They go to it. (Have you seen the show? If you haven't, you're excused. But go watch it because it's really good.) As for the z in the beginning - I don't know what you did there. Maybe you're French; they tend to put random Z'ds here and then when they're speaking English.

(ignore the cigarette :-P)

"call the midwife hair"

Yes, there's hair in Call the Midwife. But you shouldn't call a midwife Hair; you should call them Midwives. Please. I want my blog to be a respectful place. Don't call people names.

"narnia war"

(Emma, I just looked at you and laughed.)

Well... Yes, there's a narnia war on this blog; you're right. It's been a while since I got another comment on my very old blog post on my feelings on Narnia (I won't link to it because it's embarrassing :-P) (Basically I said I didn't like it and some people Disagreed) but I think you might be able to call it a narnia war if you're fond of hyperboles.

"what a glorious feeling i'm happy again"

I'm glad to hear that, my dear. It's always good to see someone spreading positivity in the Search Keywords section.

"maths and more intext: email site:be"

I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR.

Maths? Did I hear a word that just sent a shiver down my spine? I do NOT want that word EVER to be associated with my blog, DO YOU HEAR?!! (I bet you're that creepy person that used to send me spam comments. I have no idea why you'd think I'd even want to know more about maths. And no, I don't care about your email site. Go away. Buzz off.)

"mary poppins white dress"

Yes, she does have a white dress. I like it too.

"maryanne dashwood wedding dress"

Major Jane Austen attacker right here. Maryanne; someone wrote MARYanne. I am shocked; grieved. My dear reader, do not ever spell Marianne Dashwood's name with a Y; that is simply unheard of. I'm afraid you will not be able to call yourself a true Janeite before you clear that terrible spelling mistake up. Really.

As for her wedding dress; yes she's got one. I believe I mentioned it ages ago (I don't like linking to old posts, but here it is, for you, because you asked so nicely.), however, I only give you permission to visit my blog if you promise to spell Marianne the right way in the future. (Now go; you are forgiven of your sins.)

"naomi 15 blogspot"

You're right, that's roughly what my URL consists of. Good job.

"content"

I'm afraid you aren't being concise enough. What do you mean by 'content', pray? Yes, it's a word with seven letters. Yes, I have content in my blog - otherwise it wouldn't be anything in the first place. And no, I hope I don't have any unsuitable content on here, if that's what you mean. Please, in the future, be clearer in your message. I'm a busy woman; I have no time to deal with unclear Search Keywords. (Note I say woman, as I am now 18 and no longer 17. :-P)

"wonderland creek naomi"

You're boring.

This was really fun. Now fare thee well, superfriends. Don't be stupid or make bad decisions. Stay awkward. Be messy and leave good messyges. (If you got all that; we watch the same Youtube channels which means you're a pretty awesome human being; so good job.)

If Period Drama Characters had Internet Bios #5 - {Musical edition}

THE SOUND OF MUSIC

@FrauleinMARIA Music is life, curtains make great clothes, God is good; have confidence in sunshine!

@CaptainGeorg_vonTrapp Call me captain.

@Liesl_vonTrapp 🍸👗 16 going on 17; don't need a governess; old enough to taste my first champagne. 💓 Telegrams.

@Friedrich_vonTrapp I'M IMPOSSIBLE.

@Louisa_vonTrapp i'm brigitta just kidding lol, i'm louisa! i can climb up waterpipes with a jar of spiders in my hand. #beware

@Kurt_vonTrapp Apparently I'm Incorrigable. COOL.😁

@Brigitta_vonTrapp 丨Bookworm丨Hate ugly dresses丨Dark hair丨

@Marta_vonTrapp I love my pink parasol. I'm seven. 

@Gretl_vonTrapp 🖐

@heil_ROLF German telegraph boy with handsome brown shirt. #me

@UncleMaxDetweiler I like the way I live when I'm with rich people. Better still, talented ones. #vontrappfamilysingers

@The_baroness Blonde beauty, fiancé to a rich captain. I play harmonica and like the word 'boarding school.'

@FrauSchmidt Beware of frogs.

@Mother_Abbess Climb every mountain, tiiiiil youuuu fiiiiiind youuuuuur dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam!

@SisterBerthe I am a nun, @FrauleinMARIA is a clown.

MARY POPPINS

@The_Mary_Poppins I'm suoicodilaipxecitsiligarfilacrepus; practically perfect in every way. Now spit spot.

@thatguyBert Chimney sweepah, paivment paintah, music playah. #Stepintime

@Jane_Banks Wanted: a nanny for two adorable children. Contact me if you fit requirements! I promise I'm an angel.

@Michael_Banks Teach me how to snap my fingers plz i need this in my life.

@Mr_Banks I update this bio every year, January 3rd, at 3:51: on the dot. Punctuality is key!

@WinifredBanks Votes for Women! (ssh don't tell darling husband about this account!)

@Uncle_Alfred LOVE TO LAUGH LOLOLOLOLOLLLL

@The_Senior_Mr_Dawes Invest your tuppence, safely in the bank, @Michael_Banks!

@Admiral_Bloom don't ask me why I do what I do.

@Katienanna goodbye

@Thebird_Woman Feed the birds; tuppence a bag. Feed the birds; tuppence a bag. etc.

@the_penguins we dance better than bert lol and pamela travers hates us lol

MY FAIR LADY

@Liza_Doolit'l 🥀🍫i'm a GOOD gerl y AM8! ain't nothin bad 'bout me not even my haccent! y ate enry iggins! 

@Henry_Higgins My dear little guttersnipe, @Liza_Doolit'l, you did not eat me because I am still alive as I write. Now do your exercises.

@ColonelPickering Have faith; be kind: speak well.

@Alfred_Doolittle gettin' married in the morning; wont elaborate because t'might get vulgar! lol!

@Mrs_Pearce I could do with less noise in the house. Poor professor Higgins.

@Freddy_Eynsford_Hill No place on earth where I would rather be than on the street of my beloved crush. #truelovethistime

@MRS_Higgins @Henry_Higgins, you do NOT call someone a guttersnipe online. That's rude, darling.

10 types of Internet Bios

I'm starting to get sick of the word 'Internet Bios' buuuuut they're so much fun, so here's another post on them. Here are Ten Types of Internet (mainly Instagram) Bios that you will have seen at least one in your life. (Now I sound like Blimey Cow.)

1. The Organised Bio

Example:丨INTJ 丨Lover of books丨24 丨British 丨John 1:1 丨Happily Married丨

That person that loves how uncluttered and organised her/his (let's be real, it's a girl) bio looks in comparison to the unorganised ones.

2. The Emoji Bio

Example: →👗👫💗😻🍁👸🌺🍦🍓🎹←

That person that thinks everyone will take the time to unclue what kind of personality s/he has by staring at the individual emoji's for ten minutes.

3. The Link Bio

Example: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sweetest-Thing-Elizabeth-Musser-ebook/dp/B004XM3WA6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481093686&sr=8-1&keywords=the+sweetest+thing+elizabeth+musser

That person who uses their bio to get traffic elsewhere. These are usually short-term, because in the caption of one of the pictures someone will say 'link in the bio.' Why, by the way, not just put the link in the caption? (Or maybe that's not possible?)

4. The Short Bio

Example: Born with peculiarity.

That person that thinks s/he just nailed it on the Bio-writing department.

5. The Funny Bio

Example: I have no clue what to write here, so I guess I'll just take a time to be real with you guys and tell you that.

That person that attempts to make their page looks really attractive by making his/her bio really funny. 90% of the time the joke is very lame, but the fact that s/he devoted the oh-so-important-bio for wit must mean it's a very witty person.

6. The Confusing Bio

Example: 25/mdays!! ANNABELLE💘ง♡↑阝↟🌲థΔ∢ youtubedotcomeslashsomething /🌘०be happy↠ i love @cooldude💜

That person that's trying so, so, so hard to be really cool. Their bio ends up looking like a wreched mess.

7. The follow 4 follow Bio

Example: My name is Janice follow 4 follow no haters plz

That person that wants to be famous so bad s/he does it the desperate way and begs for followers. This is the kind of bio that makes me lose hope in humanity.

8. The Christian Bio

Example: *insert a Bible verse*

That person that gets their priorities straight.

9. The trying-to-fit-as-much-as-possible-into-one-bio Bio

Example: BLOGGER heresmyblogblogspot.com/Lover of rain💦/homeschooled/Downton Abbey/my fam♡/I sell things on Etsy heresmyetsy.com/In Christ Alone/I love doing the laundy/one of these was a joke😀

That person who has so much to say and grabs the oppotunity in the bio. S/he makes sure to attempt to add a little bit of everything; a bit of humour, a bit of linky-love, a bit of emoji-love, a bit of personal info. (I would probably be this person.)

10. The Artistic Bio

Example: 🌒 S T A R T 🌓 L I V I N G 🌔 F O R 🌖 L O V E 🌘

That person that takes hipster to a whole new level, putting spaces (or full-stops) between letters, and using very mythical-looking emojis to make their deep living advice look deeper.

Which one are you? :-)

The Life of Blogger-Person

(Note: this blog post is meant to be a joke. Don't take it seriously by any means.) (Also I had no people in particular (except myself in no.2) in mind while writing this. Just don't get offended by anything here, okay, it's all meant to be funny. It might not be funny, but it's meant to be. Ha.)

1. Blogger-Person Starts Blog

First there's an ugly header, a layout which wobbles and needs tweaking. But Blogger-Person is proud of her (let's make Blogger-Person a girl, even though I know there are guy-bloggers) blog and she spends sweat, blood and tears trying to make it as nice as *insert her favourite blog* which, after some time, she realises will never happen. The first post is written in a flurry of excitement and oh, gleeful is the day when the follower-box has more than one for company. The first follower, after all, was Blogger-Person herself, because it's so much fun to see your own posts coming up in your own dashboard, ammirite?

2. Blogger-Person posts. A lot.

The first year of blogging often occurs in the years of little schoolwork and responsibilities. Happy were the days when Blogger-Person posted every day, sometimes twice a day, sometimes thrice. Inspiration was never low and inwardly she scorned those other blogger-peoples who said that they 'didn't know what to write about.' Why! The notion to her was impossible. Not know what to post about? The idea. The blogging world was an adventure and a thrill... she had 30 followers and finally had a celebrity status. And she really has the hang of it now. Like, she's giving all the New-Blogger-People advice.

3. Blogger-Person makes friends with other Blogger-People

This is an important stage in Blogger-Person's life and wins many new followers for her gain. If she's lucky some of her own favourite Blogger-People start interacting with her obviously it's time it make all the followers jealous by writing loads and loads of posts on how much fun they're having on their epic meet-up and by making sure to mention tons of inside jokes in the comments. Because it's so fun to tease readers and to brag about how intimate blogger friendships are. 

4. Blogger-Person moves blog & gets a fancy layout

The old blog posts are just far to embarrassing. Blogger-Person has changed and grown so much since she started this blog. Really, it is time for a new chapter in her life. She will continue blogging but it is time to venture in a new Blog. This time it is modern, SO LEGIT and fancy-schmancy. The title is the name of Blogger-Person and the sidebar has a cool gadget to show off the Instagram pictures. The blog posts only have pics made by Blogger-Person, and gifs of famous people, because Blogger-Person is no longer interested in what she was very interested in when she started blogging. She has grown; changed; and she is so so thankful for her darling followers for sticking around on her journey. *

5. Blogger-Person disappears forever

...but she has an Instagram account which is 100% active, so it's not like she's dead.

The disappearance of Blogger-Person is always mysterious, sometimes just offensive because we can SEE that she has a LOT OF TIME on her hands just looking at the Insta Gram. Blogger-Person gets married, Blogger-Person disappears. That's how things work. Or Blogger-Person get's too high-and-mighty for her lil' blog, she now finally has real life friends. Or Blogger-Person simply is too busy, she will say. Sometimes, after two years or something, A-now-Older-Blogger-Person returns (waaaaaaaat *comment section turns ecstatic*) with the promise that she will post more often. But that post with that promise really was the very last blog post.

(*EMMA I PROMISE I DID NOT WRITE THIS WITH YOU IN MIND.)

5 Things on the Internet that annoy me

Happy first day of Advent. Happy National Craft Jerky Day. (No seriously, that's a thing.) Happy National Bavarian Cream Pie Day. (If you think I'm making this up, I'm not.) Today I'm going to complain about things on the Internet. Because it's fun. And because Internet can be extremely, extremely annoying. And yet, we're carried away by it and have patience for it.

1. Long intros on Youtube videos

UGH I HATE THIS.

This is probably the one that annoys me the most, and it's everywhere on Youtube. If you don't know what I'm talking about, well, let me elaborate. Many Youtubers, when they start a video, called say, 'DIY's for Christmas' they start the video with something like, 'wassup, guys!' and then they explain what they're going to do in the video. This I can manage. But then so often they just ramble on and on. Often they even say 'like this video!' in the INTRO. Like, NO! SO FAR THIS VIDEO HAS BEEN VERY BORING. And sometimes they say stuff like, 'Oh and one more thing...' and then finally after like a four minute intro, they say, 'Now let's get into the video!'

AS IF THE VIDEO HASN'T STARTED YET.

It HAS!

The video starts from 0:00. Duh.

So I get why people do intros, and short intros are fine. But really, even those aren't needed. Viewers aren't STUPID. They will get from the title that a video called 'DIY's for Christmas' is 'DIY's for Christmas.'  If it's a music video, they will get, okay, as soon as the video starts that it's a song. There is no need to explain. People can figure it out for themselves by just watching the video. And reading the title.

Rant over. Next rant.

2. Buzzfeed

Nuff said. Ugh.

The clickbait, the stupid useless-ness of it and the way it grabs time with meaningless articles about 'what cheese are you' and 'ten things that will make you say legit' or whatever. Buzzfeed makes me loose hope for humanity. Buzzfeed should read Ecclesiastes and realise how meaningless they are.

*insert random cute picture*

3. When ads don't even load!

Ads are an immense nuisance. Period. But what really takes the giddy biscuit is when they don't load and you have to WAIT FOR SOMETHING YOU HATE. *turns off caps* *turns off italics* You know what I'm talking about, right? When you're going to watch a video, and there's an ad before the video and then wifi gets bad and the ad won't load. Just... I WANT TO WATCH THE VIDEO. But there's an ad. And I have to go through the ad before the video - I accept that. But when the ad doesn't load... ugh, the way it plays on my patience. I'm quitting.

4. Serious 'sexy' selfies

WHY.

Serious selfies annoy me sooo much. I love selfies, I'm not one of those 'ughh teens with their stupid selfies' people - but SMILE PLEASE. THAT'S THE POINT. I don't get why people go all serious on pictures. It's not professional, or chique, or glam, or hot. It just looks plumb ridiculous. And then of course there are comments with like, 'OMG YOU'RE SO PRETTY' which makes me roll my eyes which makes the older generation turn around in their graves. (Duck-face selfies, of course, are terrible too. But I think we can all agree on that and don't need to talk about it. *shudder*)

5. Repost if you...

Repost if you love Jesus. Pin if you would stay up all night to convince out of suicide. Repost if your best friend is beautiful. Okay, these are all true and I've seen all of them, BUT I'M NOT GONNA REPOST. And that doesn't make me less of a human... I just don't want to repost it! I don't need to repost something to prove that this is true. This just bothers me because it makes me feel guilty about not spending some extra time posting something which will make other people feel exactly the same. Why is this a THING. :-P

(Also: We don't need another make-up tutorial. Or another cover of Let it Go. Or a duck-face selfie. And Instagram, I know legs exist. Stoppit.)

What are some things online that annoy you?

And I fully realise I sound like a very grumpy person in this post. Share if you agree. Like and subscribe and don't forget to comment! (Yeah, people say that way to much. If the post is good: You will get comments and likes and followers. But begging makes one sound so desperate!) (I find it hilarious when Youtubers with MILLIONS of followers say the 'Like and subscribe' thing. As if they're scared of not getting enough attention.)