Thursday, 26 January 2017

Responding to Search Keywords

(Pictures: randomly found online, as usual.)

(Inspired by the everlastingly creative and energetic Paper Fury (aka Cait) who does hilarious posts on this.)

Blogging is cool; I love blogging. As many bloggers have admitted without shame before; there are times when I greatly enjoy looking at the stats; the number of pageviews (227057) (what the bonanzas I know), the followers (150. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY. Stoppit and thank you), and, best of all, the Search Keywords people submit before stumbling upon my blog. Unfortunately, I cannot see many (only the frequent/ recent ones - I wish I could see alll of them, because it's quite interesting. And if it's not interesting, it's amusing.) but there are some I can see in my 'stats' section and well, here are my responses to them. For fun. For waste of time. For amusement, and all that.

(And also because my sister says I have to post something funny so try to be witty I shall. I do things for my dear sisters, you see; it is my duty as a moral human being.) (Yes yes, I'll shut up. Thanks for asking.)


"A blogger is a person who"

Why would you search that, my dear. I mean, if you search something like that, you might as well, simply finish the bally sentence. Here, let me help you. A blogger is a person who owns a blog. Or writes blog posts. Or a blogger is a person who pretends to make their life look really fancy and cool online when in reality they're writing on their laptop in their dark corner of their bedroom. (Me. :-P)

Or maybe you want a post on what kind of person a blogger is. In that case, I get that you can't finish your search sentence. However, not trying to be critical here or anything like that, but maybe a better way to phrase (gosh, I spelt it fraze first - that is really really embarrassing, don't tell anyone I did that) your search keywords is, "What kind of person is a blogger?" Rather than 'A blogger is a person who'. Just a suggestion.

Also, it's a stupid question. No offence. Obviously bloggers are all people who decided, 'hey let's make a blog.' But that's where their similarities end. We have boring bloggers and interesting bloggers and fashion bloggers and photography bloggers and really wacky ones and really inspirational ones. Don't put us into one label, my dear. Rude.

"wondermland creek"

Not quiiiite. That m between the r and the l? Shouldn't be there. Try better next time.

"z lark rise do candleford"

I bet you're the same one as the 'wondermland creek' one. You should stop googling stuff on your phone, my dear; or either you should simply get some spelling lessons. (I'm sure you can find some online.) 

It's Lark Rise TO Candleford, not do. Lark risers don't do candleford. They go to it. (Have you seen the show? If you haven't, you're excused. But go watch it because it's really good.) As for the z in the beginning - I don't know what you did there. Maybe you're French; they tend to put random Z'ds here and then when they're speaking English.

(ignore the cigarette :-P)

"call the midwife hair"

Yes, there's hair in Call the Midwife. But you shouldn't call a midwife Hair; you should call them Midwives. Please. I want my blog to be a respectful place. Don't call people names.

"narnia war"

(Emma, I just looked at you and laughed.)

Well... Yes, there's a narnia war on this blog; you're right. It's been a while since I got another comment on my very old blog post on my feelings on Narnia (I won't link to it because it's embarrassing :-P) (Basically I said I didn't like it and some people Disagreed) but I think you might be able to call it a narnia war if you're fond of hyperboles.

"what a glorious feeling i'm happy again"

I'm glad to hear that, my dear. It's always good to see someone spreading positivity in the Search Keywords section.

"maths and more intext: email site:be"

I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR.

Maths? Did I hear a word that just sent a shiver down my spine? I do NOT want that word EVER to be associated with my blog, DO YOU HEAR?!! (I bet you're that creepy person that used to send me spam comments. I have no idea why you'd think I'd even want to know more about maths. And no, I don't care about your email site. Go away. Buzz off.)


"mary poppins white dress"

Yes, she does have a white dress. I like it too.

"maryanne dashwood wedding dress"

Major Jane Austen attacker right here. Maryanne; someone wrote MARYanne. I am shocked; grieved. My dear reader, do not ever spell Marianne Dashwood's name with a Y; that is simply unheard of. I'm afraid you will not be able to call yourself a true Janeite before you clear that terrible spelling mistake up. Really.

As for her wedding dress; yes she's got one. I believe I mentioned it ages ago (I don't like linking to old posts, but here it is, for you, because you asked so nicely.), however, I only give you permission to visit my blog if you promise to spell Marianne the right way in the future. (Now go; you are forgiven of your sins.)

"naomi 15 blogspot"

You're right, that's roughly what my URL consists of. Good job.

"content"

I'm afraid you aren't being concise enough. What do you mean by 'content', pray? Yes, it's a word with seven letters. Yes, I have content in my blog - otherwise it wouldn't be anything in the first place. And no, I hope I don't have any unsuitable content on here, if that's what you mean. Please, in the future, be clearer in your message. I'm a busy woman; I have no time to deal with unclear Search Keywords. (Note I say woman, as I am now 18 and no longer 17. :-P)

"wonderland creek naomi"

You're boring.


This was really fun. Now fare thee well, superfriends. Don't be stupid or make bad decisions. Stay awkward. Be messy and leave good messyges. (If you got all that; we watch the same Youtube channels which means you're a pretty awesome human being; so good job.)

27 comments:

  1. Maybe the "call the midwife hair" search hadn't anything to do with the keratin fibers that spring forth from one's head. Maybe it was someone in labor in the southern half of the United States who was asking for the midwife to be summoned. In our neck of the woods, "hair" and "here" could be pronounced the same. :D

    Also, maths are pretty cool. (Although you seem to wholeheartedly disagree. :) ) But it has to be real maths, not creepy spam maths. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha, oh dear, someone asked me for a midwife!! :-)
      (Yes, I disagree, ha.)

      Delete
  2. Ah . . . the Narnia war. *nods sagely*

    ;-)

    I don't even remember how I found your blog in the first place . . . ? I'm pretty sure it wasn't through Google--although that WAS how I stumbled on the "blogging world" in the first place, by typing in "lorna doone review" and being directed to the lovely Miss Dashwood's YAPDB. If that had never happened, I prob'bly never would've met you guys, or even heard of such a thing as Period Drama.

    Sheesh. Scary thought.

    <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, so you remember that. ;-P
      Miss Dashwood's reviews are THE BESTEST.

      Delete
  3. Your last two sentences made me smile. :) Yep, got the reference.

    This was pretty funny, by the way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, great. ;-) (Gotta love some Blimey Cow.)

      Delete
  4. Haha! This is great!! I haven't looked at my searches in a long time. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh!!! I got the Messyges reference!!! "I understood that reference."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahaha, lovely post! XD I loved reading it. I don't have very many strange search keywords on my blog, but I did get "Edmund fresh air" once. Uhhhh....????

    Oh, and I got all of those YouTube channel references. xD

    ~Lydia~ <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Edmund fresh air??? HAHAH that's funny. :-P

      I knew it - I see you in the comment section sometimes. x

      Delete
  7. OH I ADORE THIS LAYOUT! Also eheh this was a great post! I love Cait's posts but yours are great too!! :-D Also the 'don't be stupid or make bad decisions' was that Katie Gregoire? if so I ADORE her channel!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANKS!! Yep, that was Katie Gregoire - she's pretty amazing.

      Delete
  8. Haha, this is so cute. :D

    And your new layout is so beautiful!!! Although I liked the other one, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Okay, this would have been completely amusing, but
    MARYANNE DASHWOOD????? MarYanne??? Noooooooo. Not amusing. Also, "wondermland creek" and "z lark rise do candleford" were not amusing. Dearie gracious me.
    However, your responses to the search keywords ARE amusing. :) This is awesome.
    And I got two of those YouTube references; Jordan Taylor and Jordan's Messages. :) Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHA. A grammar nazi in a world of typos. :-P I know, goodness, honestly, stop it with the Maryanne. #shocked

      Delete
  10. *amused chuckles* These were quite entertaining. I don't think I get anything so creative in my search keywords. (Actually, I couldn't even find my search keywords at first. Haha.)


    "Yes, there's hair in Call the Midwife. But you shouldn't call a midwife Hair; you should call them Midwives." Hahaha. THIS WAS PERFECT!! :D

    I loved your little rant over the math one. And I agree, that is an odious subject to have connected to your blog. *shivers* You poor dear. ;P

    "'wonderland creek naomi' You're boring." HAHAHA. And you, Naomi, are hilarious!! Your response to this one is so simple it doesn't seem like it ought to be that funny...but it is. REALLY!! :D

    This post was definitely a fun and amusing way to "waste time," as you call it. I enjoyed it immensely. :) (And oh! It was very sweet of you to write something amusing for your sister. That reminded me of my sister, as she was bugging me the other day to "post something." Ah. The things we must do for our sisters. Heehee. ;))

    And of course I MUST comment on your new layout because IT'S BEAUTIFUL!! As always. I really, really like it!! :D

    ~Miss March

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay, so glad you liked it!! Thanks for the awesome comment... you're always so complementary. THANKS.

      Delete
  11. Aah this is stupendous! How do you view those search keywords anyway? I've heard people taking about it before but I'm afraid I have No Idea At All how to go about finding such a thing. ^_^

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's pretty simple - you go to 'stats' and then you go to 'traffic sources' :-)

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. Jordan Taylor's personal channel. It's what he calls his viewers. :-)

      Delete
  13. *Jordan's Messyges*
    I actually found you on http://thebarefootgal.blogspot.com/ when she was talking about some of her favorite 2016 blog posts, or some such thing.
    AND HELP, I HAVE BEEN DOING SO MANY MATHS. I wanted to get ahead, but I went so fast my mother has banned more than one week's worth a day, hahahaha.
    I love your blog, Naomi! I really love your style, but don't blog, as I don't really find it enjoyable, or have a gift for writing. It takes about a year to get anybody on your blog, so for the first 18 months you are just talking to yourself, which you can do in a journal. I have my art blog, but don't really say anything, just post my art, haha. I'm glad you blog, though, as you have such a gift for it!!!
    Are you graduating this year, or have you already done so? Might I ask what hobbies you have? (Music, singing, art, obviously writing, hahaha)
    *Does not apologize for the long comment, as you seem like a perfectly reasonable personage who would appreciate it*

    ReplyDelete
  14. This was quite funny! :) And I love the new pink theme!

    ReplyDelete
  15. (FINALLY, I can write!)

    Well this was hilarious.

    :D

    (Also your picture with the caption "Ignore the ciagerette. :P" made me laugh.)

    HAHAHA. Some of these are funny! Honestly I think I could be guilty of typing in a search keyword for some of these... especially ones like "what a glorious feeling I'm happy again" because I'm sure you had a post with that title... I sometimes remember titles and I want to re-read that post, 'cause I remember liking it. Not saying that I DID write that one. Or anything. :P

    That math one is creepy though. :O (And disgusting... I mean, MATHS?!)

    ""wonderland creek naomi"

    You're boring."
    *goes off into giggles*

    Well, I recognize all those farewell type things except 'stay awkward'... what's that from? (I feel like that could be an old Katie Gregoire saying, but I'm not sure...)

    Thanks for the laughs!

    ~Miss Meg

    ReplyDelete
  16. You should do another, haha, XD.

    ReplyDelete

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